I have one more thing to say I think..

HIM. Him who I cannot speak of anymore. But he's left me a lot. This is a different guy. The only guy I've had the most feelings for, the most kisses from, and the most hug from. He made me feel safe in so many ways, just the way he kissed my forhead showed me he cares, when he would hug me and tap my lower back because he likes the play beats in anything. The way he looked at me, the way he called me babe, I was even surprise he was even gay. He couldn't tell from first glance, even the way he talked, he sounded real straight. I was a lucky fisherman that day when I met him :). He hasn't done anything but made me smile, made me feel comfortable, and he made me feel loved. Even though he left me in the end we still had a friendship going, but typical me, I promised myself I wouldn't fall for him again, and or try not to comeback because I didn't wanna be an idiot who was blinded by love. Even though we barely talk anymore, I still think about him, each day, almost everyday. I think about that :What if?" situation, or "what if this happened?" I still think about what I have could of done, what I can't do, what I should of done, and what I could of prevented. I was a foolish person.

I still find myself putting him in these fictional books I read. Especially in my books that I read. Like for "Dear John," I sometimes catch myself imagining him as John Tyree and me as Savannah, hella homo right? Actually, no, that's just the person I am. Yeah, of course I miss and love him, if our paths cross again, I don't know what I would do, bust out crying because he literally is only the guy I have ever cried for, just ask @CassieSenorin I was hysterical when I called her while I was ballin' tears months after out thing has ended.

I find myself unable to get over him, but what I don't want to happen is that I've actually found someone that makes me really happy and I know for sure that he loves me, I just don't want to see him out of no where and all the feelings I've had for "him" comes rushing back in causing me to leave the one I've loved for him.

My life is complicated, I am complicated, that I know for sure. Because I am the only one who can truly experience what I have been through. Thanks again for reading, I love you guys <3.